Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -6 (Asking for help)

In Venus, people are good at understanding others feelings and responding appropriately, but in Mars, they need to be asked to get help.
So when a woman wants help she should ask in way that is not demanding because men are put off by demands.
The right way to ask for requests is
1. Appropriate Timing - not when is about to do what you want and not when he is very busy
2. Non-demanding attitude -
3. Be  Brief
4. Be direct
5. use will you
Dont expect an yes always. Accept his no s and don't complain or grumble or judge. This way you will get more points and he will be more ready to help you next time

Next when you want something done, tell your request and give a pause. He may grumble but he will do it and then appreciate the fact that he has done it. This way you tell him he is not taken for granted.


just as a woman is more sensitive about being heard and feeling understood when she is
sharing her feelings, a man is more sensitive about being accepted just the way he is. Any
attempt to improve him makes him feel as though you are trying to change him because he is
not good enough.

Understand that sometimes suddenly, your resentment and negative feelings come up related to your past. You can overcome them by writing letters. Also remember love is seasonal, i.e sometimes it is easy, sometimes it is hardwork, sometimes blissful, sometimes empty.

To be successful in our relationships we must accept and understand the different seasons of
love. Sometimes love flows easily and automatically; at other times it requires effort.
Sometimes our hearts are full and at other times we are empty. We must not expect our partners
to always be loving or even to remember how to be loving. We must also give ourselves this
gift of understanding and not expect to remember everything we have learned about being
loving.

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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -5 (Love Letter Technique)

The success of a relationship is solely dependent on
two factors: a manʹs ability to listen lovingly and respectfully to a womanʹs feelings, and a
womanʹs ability to share her feelings in a loving and respectful way.

When something is bothering you and you feel that you will not be able to respond lovingly to your partner you should write a love letter and a response letter.

The main idea or intent of writing a love letter is that you love your partner very much but you have some negative feelings and you want to resolve them so that you can love better.
And the listener should not seek to defend that but should understand the feelings.

The love letter should contain all these feelings in this order anger, sorrow, fear, regret and love. It should also contain how the partner should respond to your feelings.
eg.Dear Max,
1. 1 am so angry that you are late!
2. 1 am sad that you have forgotten me.
3. 1 am afraid you donʹt really care about me.
4. 1 am sorry that I am so unforgiving.
5. 1 love you and 1 forgive you for being late. 1 know you really love me. Thank you for trying.

PS: I just hope you will be more responsible next time and inform me if something urgent comes up .



Women might feel that they needn't tell her husband how to behave but they should know that men are from mars and the culture doesn't teach that to them.

These love letters should be shared with the comfort level they have. They can read the letters aloud to each other or they can give and then meet after some time. Some time men may try to rationalize or not respond in the way their partners expect them to but surely they will change and appreciate it.

Book Review - The War of Art

Type:  Non-Fiction

Category: Self-Help

Author: Steven Pressfield

Steven Pressfield is the author of bestsellers 'The legend of Bagger Vance'. 

This is his non-fiction book on why we don't do the things we want to do and can't do and how to overcome them. It is a small book and a fast read. He rightly identifies what is that is stopping from doing what we want as resistance. He says the resistance is not due to anyone outside of us but the resistance is within us and it always tries to make sure we dont do what we want to do. This takes up the first part of the book. He  shows us the various manifestations of resistance in our lives so that we can identify when we see it. Then in the second part he gives the solution to this problem. He says that the solution to this is turing pro. He sets out to explain how turning pro can cure us of resistance. It contains various practical tips on how to get going. The third and final part of the book deals with the question of where does the inspiration to do this stuff come from and how to tap into it. He takes examples of Mozart, Homer and many other professional artisans to prove that there is some divine force which is helping us achieve that and how to tap into those. Overall a very good read and a very useful one for getting us to get to action.

Rating : Must read.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -4 (Avoid Arguments)

A man and woman should try to avoid arguments as much as possible, not because of what they say but because of how they say.
A woman wants to feel validated when a woman complains and a man wants his behavior to be approved
e.g if a man comes late and keeps a woman waiting, a women wants to be validated that she had been waiting for a long time and hence felt some discomfort. So she may say - how can you keep me waiting for such a long time. Now the man hears that she is disapproving him saying you cannot do anything right - he tries to explain saying why are you feeling like that, I was stuck in traffic and hence I couldn't come soon. Now women feels that she shouldn't feel bad for his being late i.e her feelings are not validated and man's feelings are disapproved. So to counter this situation, the man has to validate her feelings and women has to be less disapproving.
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The way man and women keep score is also a major point of difference and it would be a lot of help to understand that
1. For women, small thing is equal to a big thing - If he gives her an expensive gift he gets one point. Similarly, if he gives small gift also, he gets one point. So if the man thinks that he has given her a big thing but still she doesn't feel satisfied,the reason is this.
2. Men should remember that women can give till the score is skewed very very much like 30 to 0. If the man feels that she is doing because they are even in scores, then he is mistaken. Women do not realize this till they are burnt out and then they start to show resentment but not appreciating the small things done by him because they feel that already they have given too much and now he has to give.
3. Men feel that  because they have done work in office and come home and earned 50 points, now it is his wife's responsibility to earn some points by appreciating that then he is in for trouble. The man only got one point. Now he can earn more by doing little things for her.
4. Now a man stops giving if the woman is not appreciative of what he does. There are five reasons when he stops giving
a. martians like fairness: When they feel that they have worked hard to provide and they have already given enough
b. Venusians like unconditional love
c. Martians given when they are asked
d. Venusians say yes even when score is uneven
e. Martians give negative points.
For a man, the things required are appreciation and the reaction of the girl for what he does. If he doesn't give the required love to him, then he gives negative points. Like if he forgot something she asked and then she makes a big mess of him, then surely she will get negative points but if she just understands and doesn't say anything she gets many bonus points.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -3 (Different Emotional Needs)

The major emotional needs of a woman are caring, understanding, respect (by showing love with flowers, gifts etc), devotion, validation and reassurance
The major emotional needs of a guy are trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement
So while a woman needs caring, a man needs trust
while a woman needs understanding, a man needs acceptance
while a woman needs respect, a man needs appreciation for the things he has done
while a woman needs devotion a man needs admiration
while a woman needs validation a man needs approval
while a woman needs reassurance a man needs encouragement.
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A woman should never try to change a man. She may feel that she wants to change, what she should never act on the feeling. She should just trust the man and accept him so that he can change himself. The book has an amazing story called Knight in a shining armour which tells the story of how - by trying to improve a man a woman loses him.. I think it is very very right. A man doesn't like to be told what to do unless he asks.
Women should give trust not advice. When a woman gives unsolicited advice to a man, he either actively resists change by rationalizing and arguing or passively resisting by saying he will do it, but never does it.
There are some practical ways of how women can deal with the facts when a change is required in man.Try not to give advice unless asked. Trust that he will change himself. Practice patience and show that you trust him. Show that he doesn't need to be perfect for her love. Share feelings openly but don't ask him to change.
Practice forgiveness and start doing things for yourself without depending always on him for your happiness..
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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -2 (Caves & Wells)

Men have a rubber band type behaviour, i.e they are intimate for sometime, then they have to go into their cave before they can come closer again like the more a band expands on one side, the stronger it comes back.

Women have a behaviour called - "going into a well". They have a wave like behaviour. When are going to the peak, they feel happy and ignore any issues they have. Once they hit the peak they begin to go down. Then their confidence level decreases and feel insecure. They may become reactive during this time. If a man tries to fix her during this time, it will backfire. They should reassure their women of their love and be there for them. They just have to listen to their issues and once their self confidence hits the bottom, they will again feel good about themselves and come back lovingly.

What if both happen at the same time - Then it is ok for a man to say that I need some time, I will come back to you. Women may ask what are they getting by this - They are getting a more attentive and loving man if they allow them to be in their cave for some time.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -1

Men like to solve their own problems and they like taking advice when asked.
Women like to share their problems, even when they are not expecting them to be solved and they don't require solutions. They just want their men to listen to them.
Women should not give advice to their husbands unless asked.
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Men feel fulfilled in a relationship when they feel needed but turned off by neediness
Women feel fulfilled if they are cherished.
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Women grow resentful when they feel that they have given more and are getting less in return.
They should learn to set boundaries, so that they dont resent it.


ʺNeedingʺ is openly reaching out and asking for support from a man in a trusting manner, one
that assumes that he will do his best. This empowers him. ʺNeediness,ʺ however, is desperately
needing support because you donʹt trust you will get it. It pushes men away and makes them
feel rejected and unappreciated.


Men are afraid of giving because they are afraid of not giving enough. So they don't make an effor to give.
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What women says should not be taken literally for e.g - If she says "Younever listen to me" - what she says is he is not listening to her right now. Women like to take poetic license in expressing their feelings but men just give information like.

eg. W: ʺWe never go out.ʺ M: ʺThatʹs not true. We went out last week.ʺ

When a venusian is upset, she uses generalities
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Male intimacy cycle: When men become too close, they withdraw. It is normal for men. When they come too close, they feel like loosing themself. So they got their caves and rejenuvate themselves.
Women should understand this and not punish them for pulling away
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