Saturday, July 31, 2010

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -3 (Different Emotional Needs)

The major emotional needs of a woman are caring, understanding, respect (by showing love with flowers, gifts etc), devotion, validation and reassurance
The major emotional needs of a guy are trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement
So while a woman needs caring, a man needs trust
while a woman needs understanding, a man needs acceptance
while a woman needs respect, a man needs appreciation for the things he has done
while a woman needs devotion a man needs admiration
while a woman needs validation a man needs approval
while a woman needs reassurance a man needs encouragement.
A woman should never try to change a man. She may feel that she wants to change, what she should never act on the feeling. She should just trust the man and accept him so that he can change himself. The book has an amazing story called Knight in a shining armour which tells the story of how - by trying to improve a man a woman loses him.. I think it is very very right. A man doesn't like to be told what to do unless he asks.
Women should give trust not advice. When a woman gives unsolicited advice to a man, he either actively resists change by rationalizing and arguing or passively resisting by saying he will do it, but never does it.
There are some practical ways of how women can deal with the facts when a change is required in man.Try not to give advice unless asked. Trust that he will change himself. Practice patience and show that you trust him. Show that he doesn't need to be perfect for her love. Share feelings openly but don't ask him to change.
Practice forgiveness and start doing things for yourself without depending always on him for your happiness..

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -2 (Caves & Wells)

Men have a rubber band type behaviour, i.e they are intimate for sometime, then they have to go into their cave before they can come closer again like the more a band expands on one side, the stronger it comes back.

Women have a behaviour called - "going into a well". They have a wave like behaviour. When are going to the peak, they feel happy and ignore any issues they have. Once they hit the peak they begin to go down. Then their confidence level decreases and feel insecure. They may become reactive during this time. If a man tries to fix her during this time, it will backfire. They should reassure their women of their love and be there for them. They just have to listen to their issues and once their self confidence hits the bottom, they will again feel good about themselves and come back lovingly.

What if both happen at the same time - Then it is ok for a man to say that I need some time, I will come back to you. Women may ask what are they getting by this - They are getting a more attentive and loving man if they allow them to be in their cave for some time.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -1

Men like to solve their own problems and they like taking advice when asked.
Women like to share their problems, even when they are not expecting them to be solved and they don't require solutions. They just want their men to listen to them.
Women should not give advice to their husbands unless asked.
Men feel fulfilled in a relationship when they feel needed but turned off by neediness
Women feel fulfilled if they are cherished.
Women grow resentful when they feel that they have given more and are getting less in return.
They should learn to set boundaries, so that they dont resent it.

ʺNeedingʺ is openly reaching out and asking for support from a man in a trusting manner, one
that assumes that he will do his best. This empowers him. ʺNeediness,ʺ however, is desperately
needing support because you donʹt trust you will get it. It pushes men away and makes them
feel rejected and unappreciated.

Men are afraid of giving because they are afraid of not giving enough. So they don't make an effor to give.
What women says should not be taken literally for e.g - If she says "Younever listen to me" - what she says is he is not listening to her right now. Women like to take poetic license in expressing their feelings but men just give information like.

eg. W: ʺWe never go out.ʺ M: ʺThatʹs not true. We went out last week.ʺ

When a venusian is upset, she uses generalities
Male intimacy cycle: When men become too close, they withdraw. It is normal for men. When they come too close, they feel like loosing themself. So they got their caves and rejenuvate themselves.
Women should understand this and not punish them for pulling away