Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -3 (Different Emotional Needs)

The major emotional needs of a woman are caring, understanding, respect (by showing love with flowers, gifts etc), devotion, validation and reassurance
The major emotional needs of a guy are trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement
So while a woman needs caring, a man needs trust
while a woman needs understanding, a man needs acceptance
while a woman needs respect, a man needs appreciation for the things he has done
while a woman needs devotion a man needs admiration
while a woman needs validation a man needs approval
while a woman needs reassurance a man needs encouragement.
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A woman should never try to change a man. She may feel that she wants to change, what she should never act on the feeling. She should just trust the man and accept him so that he can change himself. The book has an amazing story called Knight in a shining armour which tells the story of how - by trying to improve a man a woman loses him.. I think it is very very right. A man doesn't like to be told what to do unless he asks.
Women should give trust not advice. When a woman gives unsolicited advice to a man, he either actively resists change by rationalizing and arguing or passively resisting by saying he will do it, but never does it.
There are some practical ways of how women can deal with the facts when a change is required in man.Try not to give advice unless asked. Trust that he will change himself. Practice patience and show that you trust him. Show that he doesn't need to be perfect for her love. Share feelings openly but don't ask him to change.
Practice forgiveness and start doing things for yourself without depending always on him for your happiness..
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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -2 (Caves & Wells)

Men have a rubber band type behaviour, i.e they are intimate for sometime, then they have to go into their cave before they can come closer again like the more a band expands on one side, the stronger it comes back.

Women have a behaviour called - "going into a well". They have a wave like behaviour. When are going to the peak, they feel happy and ignore any issues they have. Once they hit the peak they begin to go down. Then their confidence level decreases and feel insecure. They may become reactive during this time. If a man tries to fix her during this time, it will backfire. They should reassure their women of their love and be there for them. They just have to listen to their issues and once their self confidence hits the bottom, they will again feel good about themselves and come back lovingly.

What if both happen at the same time - Then it is ok for a man to say that I need some time, I will come back to you. Women may ask what are they getting by this - They are getting a more attentive and loving man if they allow them to be in their cave for some time.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus -1

Men like to solve their own problems and they like taking advice when asked.
Women like to share their problems, even when they are not expecting them to be solved and they don't require solutions. They just want their men to listen to them.
Women should not give advice to their husbands unless asked.
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Men feel fulfilled in a relationship when they feel needed but turned off by neediness
Women feel fulfilled if they are cherished.
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Women grow resentful when they feel that they have given more and are getting less in return.
They should learn to set boundaries, so that they dont resent it.


ʺNeedingʺ is openly reaching out and asking for support from a man in a trusting manner, one
that assumes that he will do his best. This empowers him. ʺNeediness,ʺ however, is desperately
needing support because you donʹt trust you will get it. It pushes men away and makes them
feel rejected and unappreciated.


Men are afraid of giving because they are afraid of not giving enough. So they don't make an effor to give.
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What women says should not be taken literally for e.g - If she says "Younever listen to me" - what she says is he is not listening to her right now. Women like to take poetic license in expressing their feelings but men just give information like.

eg. W: ʺWe never go out.ʺ M: ʺThatʹs not true. We went out last week.ʺ

When a venusian is upset, she uses generalities
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Male intimacy cycle: When men become too close, they withdraw. It is normal for men. When they come too close, they feel like loosing themself. So they got their caves and rejenuvate themselves.
Women should understand this and not punish them for pulling away
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Hyderabad - Book Review

This is one of the books I read recently. Here is my review of it on my other blog.

With the issue of Telanganaboiling in Andhra Pradesh, I just chanced upon a book called Hyderabad, a biography of Hyderabad written byNarendra Luther.

It is an account of Hyderabad from its beginnings till now. It starts with the building of Golconda fort till the debacle of the IT chief minister of the state ChandraBabu naidu.

I learnt a lot of interesting things about Hyderabad from that book.

> Md. Quli was the person who built Hyderabad. There was just a small settlement at the banks of river Musi before that. He built it exactly where he saw and married Bhagmati, his lover.

> There were two dynasties who ruled Hyderabad. The Qutb-Shahi and the Asaf-Jahi dynasty.

> Quli's city was one of the best in the world. There were lot of garden's in and around the city. All the Baghs in Hyderabad were all gardens from his time.

> Most of the modern development in Hyderabad happened in the prime ministership of Salar Jung.

> Hyderabad was a very beautiful city even till independence. It was after independence that city expanded rapidly.

You can read some of the poetry written by the Nawabs of the time. It was a breeze to read through the book and its like a whirlwind view of that society. But I was saddened to see the the last Nizam actually didn't do much and was sidelined by the Razakars and how the last Nizam was very stingy that he offered biscuits himself that to one by one and put in them in the locker!!!

Not a must read, but you can pick it up if you want to know about Hyderabad or particularly interested about history of Golconda, Charminar.

Winning With People - Summary

John Maxwell's Winning with people is a very good book. How to win Friends and Influence People is a classic personal development book written by Dale Carnegie. Brain Tracy another personal development expert says regarding this book as 'John has rewritten how to win friends and influence people better than ever.' If you have read the HTWFAIP book then you will understand the depth of that statement and I feel it completely lives up to that statement.

This is my attempt to summarize all the principles in the book and share those parts in the book which I found helpful. The book is divided into five parts each dealing with one aspect of relationsips.

First part is called The Readiness Question which speaks about whether we are ready to go into a relationship. The lens principle described in the first part is previous post.

The Readiness Question

The principles in that are

Lens principle : Who we are determines how we see others

Mirror principle: The first person we must examine is ourselves

Pain principle: Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by them.

Suggestions while dealing with people in pain:

Don't add to the hurt. Look beyond the person and situation and help them find help.

Hammer principle: Never use a hammer to swat a fly off someone's head

Elevator principle: we can lift people up or take people down in our relationships

The elevator principle basically means that there are people in our life interaction with whom leaves us smiling and happy . Those are the lifters. Lifters commit themselves to daily encouragement, Lifters initiate positive in negative.

Next is the connection question, where the emphasis is on putting others before ourselves.The principles in that are

The big picture principle: The entire population of the world - with one minor exception is - composed of others

The exchange principle: Instead of putting others in their place, we must put ourselves in their place - empathy

The learning principle: Each person we meet has the potential to teach us something

The Charisma principle: People are interested in the person who is interested in them.

Ways for that are

1. Become genuinely interested in other people

2. Smile

3. Remember their name

4. Good listener

5.Talk in terms of other person's interests

6. Make the other person feel important genuinely.

The Number 10 principle: Believing the best in people usually brings out the best in people. So always believe that people are always 10 out of 10. If you think that way, they will deliver to that level.

The confrontation principle: Caring for people should precede confronting people.

I liked this very much. These will be very helpful when we have to confront people.

1. Confront only if you care about that person

2. Meet together asap.

3. First seek understanding. Not necessarily agreement.

4. Outline the issue

. Describe your perceptions

. Tell this how you makes you feel.

. Explain why this is important to you

5. Encourage a response

6. Agree to an action plan

Identification, agreement to solve it, steps, accountability, deadline, commitment to put the issue in the past after resolution.

To take the relation to the next level, we should increase the level of trust in the relationship.

The Trust Question:

The principles are

The bedrock principle: Trust is the foundation of any relationship

The situation principle: Never let the situation mean more than the relationship

The Bob principle: When Bob has a problem with everyone, Bob is usually the problem

When we have to deal with Bobs in our life, these are some suggestions

1. Respond with a positive comment

2. Show your concern for someone being criticized

3. Encourage steps toward resolution

4. Ask Bob to think before speaking

Is it true?, Is it helpful, is it inspiring, is it necessary and is it kind?

5. Keep Bob away from others

The next principle is about easily being approachable to people...

The approachability principle: Being at ease with ourselves helps others to be at ease with us.

How to put others at ease?

1. Personal warmth - They truly like people.

2. Appreciation of differences in people

3. Consistency of mood.

4. Sensitivity towards people's feelings.

5. Being Human - understanding of their weaknesses and showing our own

6. Forgive and ask for forgiveness

7. Be Authentic

The Foxhole principle: When preparing for a battle, dig a hole big enough for a friend

Next comes to the requirements for sustaining a long term relationship

The Investment Question:

The gardening principle: All relationships need cultivation.

The 101 percent principle: Find the 1 percent we agree on and give it 100 percent of our effort.

The patience principle: The journey with others is slower than the journey alone.

The celebration principle: The true test of relationships is not only how loyal we are when friends fail, but how thrilled we are when they succeed.

These are the advantages.. I can use this principle the most ;)

The joy of accomplishment is diminished when no one celebrates with you.

Many people identify with failure, few with success

People who celebrate with you become lifelong friends

Celebrate with the most closest to you.

The High Road principle: We go to a higher level when we treat others better than they treat us.

Directions for high road :

1. Stay on kindness street as long as possible

2. Turn right on forgiveness avenue

3. Avoid get even alley as it is a dead end

4. Climb to the top of the hill as you will see the high road.

5. Take it and stay on it

Next to make the best of the relationship there is

The Synergy Question:

The principles are

The Boomerang principle: When we help others, we help ourselves.

The Friendship principle: All things being equal, people will work with people they like; all things not being equal they still will.

The Partnership principle: Working together increases the odds of winning together.

The Satisfaction principle: In great relationships the joy of being together is enough.

Winning With People - 1

Currently, I am reading a book called 'Winning With People' written by John C Maxwell about people principles which work every time. There are all together 25 principles in the book. This is my attempt to summarize the laws.

1. The law of Lens: Who we are determines how we see others.

What determines what we are?

And he says that if I am trustworthy, I see others are trustworthy. He says the factors that influence what are are are genetics for the major part and then our experiences, our attitude and our self image and our friends.

So what can we change or improve?

We cannot change genetics and there is a classic question of whether we should work on weaknesses or our strengths. I think the author has given a very good answer to this question.

When it comes to character issues, work on your weaknesses. When it comes to your talents, work on your strengths.

I somehow feel this is correct intuitively. I feel, that I should be more courageous, and not being courageous enough is a big drawback. Hence I cannot avoid improving it if I have lead a better life unconstrained.

I am strong in English language skills. My friend is strong in Mathematics. I sometimes feel if I should improve my maths skills and have tried various ways of improving it - reading vedic maths and shakuntala devi's books etc. but they have never been sticky... but I have been voraciously reading books after book. So I also came to Maxwell's conclusion that I should better work on improving my character but when developing our talents, with little efforts we can become very very good in our strong areas whereas a small improvement in our weaker areas seems to take a lot of effort.

Regarding friends, the difference between what we are now and what we will be five years later will be the people you spend time with and the books you read. So he advises us to choose our attitude well, have good self-esteem, select good friends and read good books.

The Five Rules of Stratospheric Success from the Go-Giver

I have read a book called the Go Giver which is small fable about a man called Joe and how he achieved success. There is a man called Pindar who introduces Joe everyday to a successful person who introduces him to one law of stratospheric success with the catch that he has to implement it in his life before he is taught the next law in the series. It is a really gripping read and whats more, the principles look like they are really useful. This is a summary of the rules.

The Law of Value

Your true worth is determined by

how much more you give in value than you take in payment.

The Law of Compensation

Your income is determined by

how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

The Law of Influence

Your influence is determined by

how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.

The Law of Authenticity

The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

The Law of Receptivity

The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

Each law is so simple and few are obvious but some others like receptivity and influence were eye-openers to me. I am applying all those laws in my life now and hope it is useful to you too.